Journey Of Discovery

Photos of Christmas Celebration, 25th December 2006
Prashanti Nilayam

Sharing a story which I had written and posted in Sai Yahoo newsgroups in year 2006.
(At the time of writing, I was still a very 'young' Sai devotee.)


It tells of my first trip to Puttaparthi during Xmas 2004
and was also the first time I had met Swami...

Sai Ram Everyone!

I would like to relate an experience that happened during Xmas 2004.

I had arrived in Puttaparthi as a young Sai member, ignorant but with an open mind. On the first day, I sat all the way at the back of the hall and could only see a tiny image of Swami. I felt no connection to Him at all and I wondered if He knew of my existence or that I have come so far to see Him. During the next few days, for some reason or another, we kept moving forward until I could see Swami's face but still, He did not even look my way. There were so many doubts in my mind.

Along came the practices for International Xmas Choir so I jumped at the opportunity to sing for Swami. (It had been my secret wish to be able to sing to Him in person at Prashanti!) Discipline was a top requirement so I dutifully attended all practices on time for five whole days. The hours were long and we had to rush from one place to another every day, sometimes even skipping meals, but I kept to it diligently hoping that the reward would be well worth all the effort. It was at these practice sessions where I met several wonderful sisters from various countries. There was one lady from UK in her early thirties and though we were strangers, gave so much love and encouragement to me.

At noon on Xmas eve, I was among the early birds to join the queue under the hot sun in order to be in the front lines. When we entered the hall, I was exalted that I was seated in the 8th row in front of Swami's verandah. Suddenly, a sevadal told me to move to the other end of the hall because they had decided to cut the rows shorter at the last minute. My heart sank as I pleaded with her not to send me away as I had worked so hard to get to where I was. My English friend then stood up and asked everyone in the front to move forward in order to fit me in. I was so thankful to her, but the fact remained that there was barely a space for me to sit and I WAS out of line. Refusing to give up, I bundled myself together and held on and kept praying hard to Swami to help me.

Soon after, the sevadals came again but instead of ordering me away, they made another line next to me and placed three women there. Half an hour later, it was almost time to begin but no one came to fill up the rest of the empty space. My legs were beginning to cramp, my back hurt, and my mind was in total chaos. The sisters in the other lines took pity on me and told me to slide over to the empty space. This I did gratefully but I waited in fear of being ordered to move again. I have never felt so disheartened and so rejected.

Soon, the air was charged with excitement. Swami was on His way! I waited in anticipation as I was so close to Him, but again, He went by without even a glance at me. He walked slowly up to the verandah, cut the cake and blessed everyone, and later when He sat down, I realized that He was looking straight at me. He had a very stern look on His face and yet, it was so full of love. It was at that moment when it dawned on me that He had heard all my prayers! He had created that empty space for me at the last hour after all the challenges that I went through so that I could fulfill my wish to sing to Him! And so I did - I sang my heart out to Him and I got a full darshan of Him for a whole hour! And I also did the most foolish thing - I cried all the way! It was the happiest and most rewarding hour of my life!

On Xmas morning, I sat behind a huge pillar and could hardly see Swami but my heart was so close to Him that I could still feel Him looking at me. There was an Australian lady who was so sick so my English friend and I took care of her till the end of the session.

On Xmas afternoon, I sat even further back but my heart was still in very close proximity with Swami. I could feel His presence everywhere, even by looking at His pictures! Distance no longer became an issue!

It was a journey that changed my life. I came home, no more a novice, no longer ignorant. I have met the nameless God whom I have prayed to all my life. This nameless form has merged with Swami and from then on, there is only one God in my life now. He is real and He is here living amongst us, to guide us back to Him. What more should we seek for but Him and only Him!!!

With love,

Adeline